The Laws of Attraction: How We Choose and Keep Our Friendships

1182 Words5 Pages
THE LAWS OF ATTRACTION: How We Choose And Keep Our Friendships Carolyn Troadec Los Angeles Valley College Carolyn Troadec p. 1 Most people would agree that the friendships they hold with others are incredibly important to the quality of their lives, and yet the “architecture” of how we choose and make friends has remained largely unexamined. Research now shows that friendship doesn’t “just happen”; there are quantifiable factors involved. Some are obvious, but some are not. I will examine the psychology behind how people choose and hold on to friendships. What is friendship and why do we want it? We are social animals. We need to connect. Friends give us an essential sense of who we are, and therefore are central to our enjoyment of life. (Rowe, 2009). Neuroscientists say that the brain does not reveal reality to us, just interpretations of what is going on around us, colored by our past experiences. No two people see things in exactly the same way. Our sense of who we are is made up of our guesses as to what is going on in our world. Friends help us validate this “guesswork”. When another person confirms and agrees with us that the world is as we see it, we feel safe and secure. In other words, we want to be around people who take our side. According to many researchers (Myers, 2010 and Heffner, 2012), there are five main reasons behind our choices in friends: 1. Proximity – We are much more likely to make friends with people that we can easily see often. It costs less time and effort to benefit from the rewards of friendship with someone who lives or works nearby (Myers, 2010). Acquaintances will generally
Open Document