Timeless by Dave Barry

528 Words3 Pages
“There are two kinds of people in this world, and I am one of them.” This is how Dave Barry starts out his satirical passage called “Timeless”. He uses his tone, selection of detail, and imagery to portray his opinion of men and females and there way of thinking about time. When talking about himself and men he talks patiently and reasonable. When he arranges his timing of an event he makes sure he plans some time for cushion because you never know what could happen. While talking about his wife and females he talks as if he is irritated and excited. For example, he uses just periods when talking about himself, but when he talks about his wife he uses exclamation marks and capitalization plus he is extra humorous comical. Like, when he tries to get her attention via the “Universal Husband Jingling Method” which is to jingle your keys. It’ll upset his wife and make her think, “Why is he JINGLING already? We have TONS of time!” Aside from Dave Barry’s tone, he uses hyperboles to exaggerate how much time it takes for his wife to get ready. To relieve Dave his wife would yell out: “I’m almost ready! I’m just putting on my makeup!” to the husband though it isn’t a simple process. His reaction to her is distress and he thinks that the two assertions completely rebut each other. He thinks of it as “I’m very short! I’m 38 feet tall!” Also to the husband, “I’m just putting on my makeup” translates to “I’m painstakingly applying 450 coats of beauty products to my face using an applicator the width of a human hair.” Even though applying 450 coats of makeup with something the size of hair is irrational and exaggerated he thinks of it that way because he hates being late. He also says “every minute that a wife spends putting on makeup is experienced as 45 minutes by a husband…” which is also overemphasized it is how he expressed his feeling of irritation due to his wife
Open Document