Why Leprechauns Cannot Produce Milk

615 Words3 Pages
Why Leprechauns Cannot Produce Milk Leprechauns cannot and will never produce milk because the Holocaust is a lie. Various studies and experiments conducted over a period of sixty years have led scientists to believe that the brevis-didelphis memphitis leprechaunicus (commonly referred to as the “leprechaun”) has been unable to produce milk for a number of decades. This milky inability began with the first leprechaun, King Fergus Mac Leti(1), who fell asleep apon a bench and was left with a milkular deficiency. Upon discovering this, he was so distraught that he died. His lovely apron went mad with grief, and declared milk illegal. Unfortunately, this declaration rent the leprechaun population in two, those loyal to the king and in favour of the anti-milk laws, and those in favour of milky goodness. This civil war killed thousands, and many weapons and booby traps have been left over from this era, such as pots of gold(2). Eventually, with the leprechaun population decimated, the pro-milkers surrendered, and a new era of anti milk was established. In the wake of the war, a new totalitarian government rose up to take the old monarchy’s place. This government, through secret police(3), kept the population in check–by killing or imprisoning all those who were pro-milk. As leprechauns were forbidden to have any milk-related encounters, and people relented under the anti-milk rule, they eventually stopped being able to produce it at all, through natural selection (that’s science). Throughout history, the subject of milk has been raised many times among various leprechaun governments, most prominently in the mass-milk producing incident of 1923 which ended in the deaths of six civilians when their village was set on fire. Two Elves were arrested, and charged with the illegal production of milk, and the killings of all who died. They died in prison. All of
Open Document