Sophie Johnson Parody

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The Other Side of the Rainbow Sophie Johnson is the neighborhood’s head mom and chief bitch. My entire middle school staff is in the habit of disappearing whenever she has an appointment and I even had a secretary once who called in sick on the days of Sophie’s scheduled visits. When I fired her she unrepentantly informed me that her job description didn’t include sucking up to a know-it-all, ex-Homecoming Queen with a Napoleon complex. Since I couldn’t argue with her logic, I wrote her a glowing recommendation but had to let her go just the same. Sophie has a furious tick in her left eye when she gets angry that slows down or speeds up to match the level of her outrage – it’s a dead giveaway. Consequently, when I peeked through the blinds…show more content…
“I can’t believe the number of boys who think it’s acceptable to take so relentlessly without giving anything back. My daughter has almost twenty of these damn green lipstick tubes and no rainbows of her own to show for it!” The problem in these situations is the futility of pointing out that her daughter is only sixteen years old and shouldn’t be sucking dick in the back of a bus – or anywhere for that matter – for at least another seven, maybe eight, years. That’s old-school to women like Sophie Johnson and there are plenty of women exactly like Sophie Johnson. “Sophie,” I started gently, “you know I can’t advocate oral sex in any capacity. I can’t punish a boy more harshly for not returning the favor than the girl who gave it. That’s something you need to take up with your daughter –“ “Dammit, Jack,” she interrupted furiously, “What the hell is the matter with you? No one is teaching these boys to respect women – to value them as individuals! I’ve got boys left and right putting my daughter down and authority figures like you doing nothing about it, reinforcing the idea that it’s acceptable. We’re punishing them for engaging in sexual behavior that we can’t stop from happening instead of treating the overall
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