Smelly Darling Satire

438 Words2 Pages
My smelly darling, Thinking back to our perfect weekend, where you would fart in my face and laugh like the complete poopfacedwoman you are, I can’t help but miss you. Even if you do crawl across your floor like a 6 year old child, only then beginning to craw, with your beloved blanky. I’m hoping that the rest of your day is completely amazing dear, and I hope to god that you fart aloud in class and everyone looks back to you and laughs, as mean as that sounds. To be honest that would make me a feel a lot better towards your farting in my face, which I do not appreciate one bit nor do I enjoy. I wish I could spend this weekend with you though unfortunately thanksgiving has decided to screw us over, preventing the copious amounts of sex we deserve, and the use of my new lubricant sample I got from the sexual health nurse.…show more content…
;3 Sitting here playing with this new packet of condoms I got today only makes me even more eager to throw you across the room and on to the bed, but Christ smelly dear, you should see how huge these packets are. They’re about double, if not triple the size of a regular condom packet, I’m beginning to wonder if these condoms were made for people like James, black people with big cocks. >.> Well I’m not necessarily helping myself now am I, dammit. Sitting here listening to the beloved Julia Stone who I refer to as Julia Roberts simply because their names are so alike makes me miss you so much more. I just wish I could be sitting with you at this very moment, cuddling, how we do on our weekends, just lying after sex, half naked, right beside each other. I enjoy our sex though it’s the cuddles after our sex I enjoy the most, the rare occasions where we just lay beside each other cuddled up. It’s those moments that really matter to me, it’s those moments that I wish would last

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