How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk

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In part II of How To Avoid Falling In Love With A Jerk, Van Epps discusses how getting to know people is the first bonding dynamic and that there are five bonding forces that create the feelings of closeness in every romantic relationship. These five bonds/key areas are compatibility potential, skillfulness (skills for building good relationships), relationship scripts (examples of other relationship patterns), family experiences and background, and depth of conscience (attitudes and actions of one’s conscience). The first step Van Epps presents is “getting to know your compatibility potential,” we look at the role of chemistry, complementarity and comparability in ones romantic relationships. He discusses how compatibility is much more than people believe it to be and that it is more than just having things in common. He expresses how research has supported the finding that in some cases birds of a feather flock together, but in others opposites attract. According to the book a blend of similarities and differences in personalities, backgrounds and lifestyles is what most successful relationships have and the balance of this blend is what will make or break the couple. One needs to be able to determine which similarities are the important ones when it comes to comparability. We need to compare our personalities, values and lifestyles to have successful relationships. In most cases in which opposites attract chemistry follows relationship, we look at complementarity in which we look at how each partner’s differences benefit both partners in the relationship. The second step discussed is “getting to know the skills for building and maintaining relationships,” in which we look at the different skills needed for romantic relationships. The author expresses that one should say what they mean and mean what they say. He discusses how many couples lack the
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