Deborah Tannen's 'Battle Of The Sexes'

840 Words4 Pages
Kevin Ware English 101 22 October, 2013 Sex, Lies, and Conversation A war is being waged. This is not a war between countries, factions, or religious groups. This is a war between genders, a “Battle of the Sexes.” What is the underlying cause of this war? The cause, believe it or not, is communication. The divergent communication styles of men and women, referred to as “genderlects” by Deborah Tannen, are often the impetus behind relationship problems. But before one goes into the blame game of accusing others of not listening, the styles of communication for both men and women must be examined as if one is investigating two diverse cultures. Tannen says that “each partner [in a relationship] is operating within a different…show more content…
Specifically, women use language to “reach out and touch someone”3. Women’s style of pragmatics or social language highlights the importance of facing the conversational partner and looking directly at the other person’s face4. In addition, women communicate in a direct way, making sure that the recipient of the conversation knows that they are listening and vice versa. This facet is often exhibited via head nodding and gestures. When it comes to conversational topics, women tend to talk more about family, clothes, relationships and social events5. Also, their conversations include the discussion or expression of feelings. Women are more likely to express their feelings of hurt, offense, but are less likely to express their anger in words. Women’s communication style stresses interpretation and subjectivity. For example, when women disagree during a conversation, they may say “‘You may be right, but could it also be that…?’” or “‘Oh, I’m sure you’re right, but I saw it a bit differently’”6. Thus, the style of women’s communication is more sharing and collaborative in nature. In conversations, women have a selfless attitude in that every person should get time to talk about their ideas and feelings7. Their style can be described as the time-share approach to communication. These communication characteristics of women are encapsulated in Deborah…show more content…
The same principle applies to the communication styles of men and women. Early on as children, the genders acquire their gender-specific styles of communication. In this world, males and females have learn to communicate in their specific style in order to survive. Despite these glaring differences in communication styles, humans are not creatures who are sustained by silence and isolation. Humans need communication and social interaction to survive and thrive. As different cultures have learned to coexist in order to evolve and survive, so must the different cultures of men and women. While acknowledging their own genderlects, men and women must be open to adaptation and learning to interpret the other’s communication style. Specifically, there needs to be open cross-cultural communication between sexes. Tannen reported that "the biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation"13. If we are able to to understand each other better, then relationships will improve. Then if relationships improve, then the world will be a better place. As John Gray says "Communication is but a vehicle through which we can understand each
Open Document