What the Body Remebers (Satya's Monologue)

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Satya’s Monologue Here I am born a woman with wide open grey eyes to the circle where my body falls like a “game board of time” (Baldwin pg. 1). As I rise, my pain and sorrow kicks me down where my journey resumes again. My body remembers the attention that I gave him. The days I will talk and understand git-mit to the English luncheons, or giving my own opinion about his decisions. The love I showed him for my whole life. So why is he abandoning me, Satya “his son’s mother, he gave me to raise” (Baldwin pg.325)? Why is he taking my izzat? Why is he throwing me away, I still have life to give? For her, for that stupid no good women who cannot cook or clean and “think they are invincible, that they have only to smile and good things will happen to them (Baldwin pg.8). Roop is nothing, Sardarji is my husband and always be my husband not hers and she will be nothing but a worthless low-class mid-wife “Mar ja kitey” (Baldwin pg.270) let her “go die somewhere” (Baldwin pg.270). Sardarji is still loving, kind that I love so much it pains me to think about the kindness he has shown me. How can I thank him without giving children? How can I let him find someone else to fulfill my own duties, my izzat, my everything? If everything I ever wanted is taken away from me who am I? I am not his wife for he has abandoned me, I am not a mother for I cannot bear children so who am I? What is my purpose? Am I a no one like Sardarji’s mother said I am? This fear, anger, and rage that storms within me cannot restore the anxiety flowing through my body for the last four years. But beyond these tears is a strong and smart woman who still has life to give. I will not cry, I will not curse, and I will collect all my wits because I was born a woman I would not pretend. And when Sardaji comes back to me he will not “notice the resemblance in the boy to that cheap and vulgar woman”

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