Self Reflection

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As a self diagnosed dismissive adult I do not feel that I have an overly positive view of myself, which goes against the distinguishing features of the condition. I can however have a guarded, judgmental and often cynical attitude toward other people. What appears to others as a high self-esteem is in fact a defensive mechanism which protects me. It exists as a compensation for low self-esteem and feelings of self-loathing and is very often seen as arrogance. Both my mother and father have said so at different points in time and it is certainly a criticism I have had levied at me often enough to be aware of it. The confidence I exude is also partially based on my belief that if you don’t risk you don’t succeed. I see potential failure as a…show more content…
I usually make it my first priority whenever I move somewhere new. However I do not think that I disregard the feelings and interests of other people, at least I hope I don’t. As a teacher, mentor, personal tutor and pastoral provider I genuinely care for my students and look out for their interests and well being. Possibly I am deluding myself and have developed a cognitive dissonance in this regards. After reflecting on this I did speak with my principal to touch base for feedback on this issue because it troubled me. I was assured that this was not the case so it seems I can compartmentalise. I do however find it difficult to disclose my inner thoughts and feelings to people but have attributed this down to trust issues and yes, to some degree, a feeling that if they knew the real me, they would not want to be with…show more content…
Sarcasm appears to be a defining adjective used to describe me, from my sister to my students. I have always felt it was part of my sense of humour but have come to understand it just keeps people at a distance. My separations have had a much bigger emotional impact on me than I was willing to admit or was even aware of. When my wife was away at university during the week, I become focused on work, I even looked forward to her departure on Sunday. The separation was an opportunity for me to have my space back to myself again, but when she returned, I was distant from her, territorial and even resentful of her moving things in the kitchen or around the house. Despite missing her during the week I slowly cut her out of my life and pretended it didn't bother
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