Pritchard Hall Research Paper

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Pritchard Hall Thefts: Lacey Larceny or Something Worse Once again Pritchard Hall is in the clutches of a criminal mastermind. Instead of high priced MP3s and laptop computers, the larcenist is after something much lacier. The Virginia Tech Police Department has received reports of underwear being taken from the laundry room in Pritchard. I know what you’re thinking. “What could be more suspenseful than stealing underwear?” “Surely, this must be the plot for Point Break II.” “How did they get past the laser trip wires?” I can only answer with: “almost anything;” “Dear God, do not give Keanu Reaves an excuse to act again;” and “I am guessing Catherine Zeta Jones dipped beneath them (whoa oh oh).” However, the V.T.P.D. is very interested…show more content…
While there are some comedic merits to stealing a pair of panties from your hall mates, personally I don’t see it being worth a larceny charge. If you’re a broke college kid stealing something, wouldn’t you want it to be valuable? There has to be something more valuable than a thong covered in sweat, beer stains, and shame from a long night at O’s Lounge. Don’t we all love skidmarks? Perhaps the motive is satisfying a weird fetish. How does the thief’s roommate not notice Buffalo Bill over there, putting on makeup, women’s underwear and dancing to Q. Lazarus’ “Goodbye Horses”? There can only be two real reasons your roommate has that many bottles of lotion. One involves Jodie Foster busting down your door. The other means you should probably knock before walking into your room…and tell him to wash his hands. The culprit could be a girl, who missed the free Pink give away and knows that Victoria’s Secret is that she charges way too much for a triangle of fabric. I’m all for a commando approach. With this weather though, legging season is extended until mid-July, leaving way too many opportunities for camel toe. Regardless of the reason, I imagine the sons of Pritches will be brought to justice soon
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