Assignment 4: The Evolution Of The Juvenile Justice System

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Assignment 4 Unit 8 I enjoyed reading your essay. Please note the following errors so you could improve when writing future assignments. Relating to my marks and comments on your paper, you would benefit by using the APA manual and Kaplan’s writing center that will assist you how to use proper grammar, writing mechanics, and formatting. I am confident that you will do better on your next assignment. * The introduction did not provide sufficient background on the topic and previewed major points. * Your conclusion did not review all the major points you discussed in your paper. * Please write in third person unless the assignment asked for your opinion. * I would like to have seen some headers formatted according to the…show more content…
Even though these changes and milestones have occurred, is our [Use "we," "us," or "our" to mean yourself and coauthors, not general humanity (or yourself and the reader)] juvenile justice system still outdated? [Writing suggestion: Unless in a quote or a title, avoid rhetorical questions in academic writing. A good idea is to provide answers, not questions] Our youth is constantly being [If not a noun (as in "human being"), the word "Being" is hard to imagine; it means "existing." Try to rewrite this without using "being"--with action words like "attending," "working," "living," "experiencing," simply "as"--or even removing "being" completely] transferred [The passive voice is a form of "be" (being) and a participle (transferred). Over-use of the passive voice can make paragraphs officious and tedious to read. Prefer the active voice. For example, passive voice = The paper was completed on time. Active voice = the student completed the paper on time. See Center for Writing Excellence > Tutorials & Guides > Grammar & Writing Guides > Active & passive voice] to other parts of the judicial system because of the severity of the crime being committed [Passive voice ] . Let us examine the juvenile justice systems trends and take a look at [This is a colloquialism, an informal saying that does not use the literal meanings of…show more content…
At the same time, a juvenile who is transferred [Passive voice ] from juvenile court to adult court is going to [Wordiness: These words mean simply "will"] have to [Instead of "going to have to," try something like "will have to," "would have to," or simply "must"] face this for the remainder of their [Check pronoun agreement--if "their" refers to "adult" (or a singular subject), it should be singular, too (his or her)] life [Use "their lives"] . If the juvenile does get out of jail later in life, this will impact ["impact" is a noun (a hit). It is informally used as a verb (impacting the business), but avoid this in academic writing ] anything they want to do as far as [If not meaning an actual distance, either actual or figurative (as far as you can see, as far as he could imagine, etc.), the colloquial "as far as X is concerned" (or the more informal "as far as X goes") must be complete--"is concerned" or "goes" must appear later in the sentence.] work, [Check spelling--should this word end with "ed"?--the participle form of "work" is "worked"] military, voting, gun permits and [Insert a comma before this word if this is the last in a list of more than two -- or if it begins a new clause] [in academic writing, if this is a series, place a comma before the final conjunction (and)] have a life altering affect. Children who

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