Why Your Mom Is a Bitch

341 Words2 Pages
Your mom was born to an average family that lived in an average neighborhood in an average town or city that followed the law of averages. Your mom, following this trend, was decidedly interesting and unique. (Actually, no, not really, she was average. I know, I was shocked too!) Her early childhood began, like most, with a period of preschool, followed by kindergarten, which was followed by 1st grade, followed by 2nd grade, followed by 3rd grade, which was followed by 4th grade, followed by 5th grade, followed by 5th grade again, your mom not being the brightest individual. This concluded your mom's brief stay in her elementary school, which was unexpectedly average. Following elementary school was a time in which your mom begot a further loss of intelligence, and massive weight gain. It was just after the loss of intelligence, before the weight gain, when your mom discovered that she could get boys to like her simply by having sex with them. Naturally, she utilized, and often abused this fact, since she really really liked having boys liking her. And then there was the sex, which she also liked. In fact, she really really really liked the sex. The additional really showing that she liked the boys liking her only two thirds as much as she liked the sex. She really liked that sex! Little did your mom know colossal amounts of promiscuous, unprotected sex do have consequences. After her sixth through eighth grade years in middle school your mom had already acquired 17 different S.T.D.'s, including three that were previously unknown. At the end of her eighth grade year your mom, broke from the free clinic fees, noticed an alarming lack of menstruation in her usually opulent cycles. It's unlucky for you she couldn't afford birth control or an abortion. Yes, it seemed that your mom had finally become your mom. As her pride and joy you've already helped her earn more

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