What Do When Your Stepkids Disrepect You

2225 Words9 Pages
Over the years, many parents in blended families have come to me to talk about the subject of disrespect. In some cases, their step-kids didn't respect them, and in others, their biological child did not respect their new spouse. The truth is a child may never respect his step-parent, but he does have to know that he can't get away with being rude or obnoxious to them. The only way to achieve the desired behavior is to be certain you and your spouse are united in making sure that your kids treat you with respect. Lay Down the Ground Rules from the Start If you haven't done so already, sit down with the kids in your blended family and lay out some ground rules. Start by saying, "In our family now, this is what a parent is." And, "In our family now, these are the expectations on every child." I recommend that you tell your step-kids from the beginning, "You don't have to call me Mommy, but you have to be respectful and follow my directions." And both adults need to do this with all the children in the family. What if Your Step-kids Disrespect You? Naturally, step-parents become very upset when their step-children are disrespectful to them. I've had parents come to me in difficult situations where the kids were really being rude or obnoxious, saying things like, "You're not my father, I don't have to listen to you!" Let me be clear: parents have to be careful, because once that kind of behavior gets entrenched, it's very difficult to stop. By being rude, kids protect themselves-and they train adults what not to ask of them and what not to expect of them. The answer here is that you and your partner have to decide ahead of time how the kids in the family will talk to each parent. You set the expectations together, and then you remain consistent; you hold each child accountable. Here's an example. If one of your step-kids says, "You're not my mom; I
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