Toni Morrison's Beloved Soliloquy

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"I come out of blue water after the bottoms of my feet swim away from me I come up I need to find a place to be the air is heavy I am not dead I am not there is a house there is what she whispered to me I am where she told me I am not dead I sit the sun closes my eyes when I open them I see the face I lost Sethe's is the face that left me Sethe sees me see her and I see the smile her smiling face is the place for me it is the face I lost she is my face smiling at me doing it at last a hot thing now we can join a hot thing.” (Morrison p. 246, 247) Beloved’s soliloquy is a first person stream of consciousness that represents the thoughts of Beloved’s ghost who remembers her previous years but only exists in the present. She has been locked up for years without any normal childhood experiences with people or places. Morrison makes her lack of education apparent in the broken sentences, lack of punctuation and incorrect grammar. Since Beloved was killed as a young child, her thoughts have never matured and are child-like. Previous to this passage, Beloved looks into the creek water behind Sethe’s house, and wants the face she sees to smile at her. She realizes that the reflection is her own face but wants it to be her mothers. She sees herself swim away after she imagines her mother “chew and swallow” her, “The bottoms of my feet swim away from me.” She resurrects from the water and because she is exhausted, (“I need to find a place to be the air is heavy”) she makes her way to the house that she sees to rest. She hears Sethe and follows her to the grass, “There is what she whispered to me.” Beloved rests near the house and closes her eyes to relax in the hot sun. She claims she is not dead. She opens her eyes and sees Sethe who is smiling. Like a child, she is desperate not to lose Sethe’s image however she is upset that she left her the first time,

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