The Argument Culture Summary

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“Fighting for our lives” the title of the first chapter in the book The Argument Culture by Deborah Tanner is an apt way to describe the subject of this paper. Our culture has programmed us to take an adversarial approach in all forms of discourse with the need to win as the ultimate goal. This attitude can have a huge impact on our everyday lives. Interacting in this manner can literally kill a relationship. Many couples argue to win but over the long term this often results in a breakup. Couples could avoid destroying their relationship by making time for each other not arguing ineffectively and learning the art of listening. Couples argue about many things finances, health, child rearing, commitment, etc. in order for an argument to be effective both parties must maintain focus on the topic at hand. When we digress and lose focus nothing is being accomplished. Arguments between couples should be approached more as a discussion of opposing views. Frequently arguments between couples occur in the heat of the moment. Emotions run high and increased anger causes each party to respond in a less than rational way. Often times instead of hearing what is being said individuals are looking for ways to…show more content…
Deborah Tanner said “nearly everything is framed as a battle or game in which winning or losing is the main concern.” (Argument 4) each partner needs to be cognizant of this mindset and thru the utilization of mindful speech and listening be prepared to concede certain points. Often couples will completely lose focus on the current disagreement because one or both refers back to previous issues. This is unhealthy and should be avoided. Argument should never employ verbal abuse as a tactic to win. If this should occur an immediate apology can go a long way in repairing the damage. When an argument is escalating the use of humor can often be used to diffuse the bad situation; it is hard to be angry when you’re

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