Spongebob Squarepants: a Menace to Society

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SpongeBob SquarePants: A Menace to Society Editor's Note: This special guest editorial was written by PT commentator Jonathan Apus. Friday, 21 January 2005 Families face many problems in today's world, including poverty, unemployment, access to health care, and various forms of abuse. James Dobson wants to make people aware of another problem: SpongeBob SquarePants. Following in the distinguished line of homophobes like Jerry Falwell, who accused the Teletubbies of promoting a gay agenda, Dobson claims that Sponge Bob, too, is pro-gay. He holds hands with his friend Patrick! He watches a TV show called The Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, obviously a show about cross-dressers!! Oh how devious are the promoters of the homosexual agenda and their allies, the communists, the liberals, and the secular humanists!!! It's a good thing Christianity has such compassionate, intelligent social commentators to deliver us from the wily advocates of evil like SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward, Sandy, and Mr. Krabs. The only problem with Dobson's analysis is that he hasn't gone far enough. Let's start with the star of the show, SpongeBob himself. Why was a sponge chosen for a lead role in this show? Although sponges are capable of sexual reproduction, they regularly reproduce asexually. It is clear, then, that the purveyors of the homosexual agenda chose SpongeBob to be their lead character because he is, in effect, bisexual. Another reason a sponge was chosen was that evolutionary biologists classify sponges as the most primitive of multicellular organisms (Metazoa), lacking a distinct body cavity (coelem) or even a mouth. Their choice smacks of an incipient pro-evolution, anti-creationism agenda. Then there's SpongeBob's behavior. In one episode he repeatedly rips his pants--on purpose!--exposing his underwear for all to see. In fact, many episodes show SpongeBob in

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