Sitcoms In Today'S Society Essay

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I WAS ON the toilet this afternoon reading a copy of the NY Times and shitting a stewlike concoction. I began thinking of a sitcom to write, since the state of sitcoms today irritates me; I got so engrossed in thought that it took me twenty minutes to realize that the lid was down and my pants were still on. I laughed good-naturedly at my error and decided against cleaning up in favor of a nice nap. The first is a touching, hour-long weekly comedy/drama about three women over four hundred pounds each who battle their weight and low self-esteem. The working title is Treadmill, You Spectacle. I want it set somewhere in the Midwest so that each week a different one of them can have a leg or hip shattered in a case of mistaken identity during a cow tipping. I’d also like to see different male stars make cameos throughout the season playing various love interests. I have a fabulous script already written where one of the girls meets a handsome doctor and falls in love. He sweeps her off her feet using plagiarized poetry and a bulldozer, so she agrees to marry him and fly to Havana for their honeymoon. Before they board the plane he force her to shove thirty powder-filled balloons into her anus. While they are collecting their luggage at baggage claim, drug-sniffing German shepherds begin barking and snapping at her asshole. Her husband begins pointing at her and screaming, “heroin mule, heroin mule!” as she is tackled and beaten into unconsciousness by Cuban customs agents. She is thrown into a five-foot-by-seven-foot cell where she develops cervical cancer and dies awaiting trial. Her husband actually turns out to be a professional prankster who specializes in setting obese women up to be beaten and jailed in Third World countries. Either Harvey Keitel or Keanu Reeves should be cast in the part of the scoundrel. I am anticipating more trouble casting the wife

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