Shopping Mall Madness

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Shopping Mall Madness For some, nothing can be more enjoyable than an outing at a local shopping center. I find those shopping fanatics crazy. Such outings can be intimidating, instilling fear and anxiety and may even cause bodily harm. There is an abundance of crazies out there, from the shoppers and their children to the employees manning the stores. Danger and annoyances that people do not plan on encountering are lurking around every corner. Entering the mall is like entering the unknown. My shopping trips do not consist of “oohing” and “ahhing” over this and that. I am on a mission. Get in, get out, and never leave a man behind. Before even entering the mall, my battle has begun. The sea of cars in the parking lot is just an indicator for the swarms of bargain hunters I will find inside. Passing by vehicles of red and silver, SUVs and family sedans, I suddenly break hard as I see what I think will be my parking space. Behold the “Smart Car,” it is so stealth yet so lime green. I imagine it laughing at me as I drive off and continue to scour the lot, hoping I do not have to settle for a spot across the street at the China Buffett. I glance in my rearview mirror and see the sun gleaming brightly off a windshield behind me. It was like a light bulb, the brightest and most blinding I had ever seen, had gone off in my head. “Go home,” it seemed to say. “It’s all downhill from here.” I ignored the bright idea from my imaginary light bulb, eventually found parking and headed towards the doors. These doors may be the one thing, aside from the food court, that I do like. Always appearing as if a fresh spritz of Windex has just been wiped away, they glide right open when they sense my presence. Feeling like a queen that’s just waved my hand and belted “Open Sesame!” puts a smile on my face for a moment. But that smile quickly disappears when I

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