The cat is cuter than you ya ugly *******!!!
0 Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
0 I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
0 I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather … Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
0 We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
0 I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
0 Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.
0 You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
0 I don’t care, I don’t have to.
0 Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
0 I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
0 I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
- George Carlin
0 A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the word you first thought of.
- Burt Bacharach
0 If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
- Harry S. Truman
0 Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.
0 When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
0 I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
0 I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
0 I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
0 Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
0 The word ‘politics’ is made up of the words ‘poli’ meaning ‘many’ in Latin, and ‘tics’ as in ‘bloodsucking creatures’
0 The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch
0 You laugh because I'm different........... I laugh cause I just farted!
0 Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
0 What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
0 He who laughs last didn't get it.
0 After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."
0 Always remember you're unique, just like...