Ineffective Listening Skills

709 Words3 Pages
Two types of ineffective listening skills that I have trouble with are pseudo listening and defensive listening. Pseudo listening is defined as what happens when someone pretends to listen during a conversation while attempting to disguise inattention to the message(1) This occurs for a variety of reasons some being laziness (you don’t feel like putting in the effort to listen), avoidance (you don’t want to hear what they have to say), or poor skills (you don’t know how to listen) (2) For me it happens because I have other things on my mind or I am just not interested in the topic of conversation. Talking to my mother is a prime example of me being a pseudo listener. She always has some word of advice that is unsolicited or an opinion…show more content…
I take her comments to heart as a personal attack that I’m either not feeding them enough or that I’m spoiling them too much. I feel it has a lot to do with my low self esteem on my part when it comes to being a parent or on any other topic that I feel insecure about. For others it can be that they are generally defensive all of the time and perceive negative judgments in anything said to them instead of on separate issues. Responding defensively happens when you have a bad perception of the person’s message; you perceived the person doesn’t like/ respect/ trust you and expresses it in their communication. (4) The downfall of responding defensively all of the time though may discourage others from being so honest with their remarks. It can also prevent the listener from concentrating upon the message. Not only do defensive communicators send off multiple value, motive and affect cues, but also defensive recipients distort what they receive. As a person becomes more and more defensive, he or she becomes less and less able to perceive accurately the motives, the values and the emotions of the sender. (5) In conclusion I know I have to work on both of these ineffective listening skills to better my communication between fiends, co-workers, and society in
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