on my own Essay

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as i lay here watching myself bleed i push to hold .. i black out, wonderig why me what the hell am i here for all i feel is pain and everytime something starts to look up i lose my footing and fall yet again im sick of this shit its getting old. people keep trying to fuck with me and im drawing on my last leg. im no longer an ox or clutch or anything else. (these were my nicknames) im just here an empty shell walking around. as i lay here every night i miss the way things use to be the way thing should be but im use to the pain use to the hurt and its got me on edge if i jump what would people say what would they do. how am i different from others i tried to be a good guy who help out every one else well after 8 years of helping other, now i need help and every one just turns runs away from me so i put up my walls to set my heart in a cage so i never have to worry about being hurt. i love to help people its just who i am but yet im still getting kicked in the face when i let people in. im sitting here thinking about the fact that im in the same fucking spot i was last year at this time. and yet again theres no one to help me out yes there are people here but no one gets me enough to help me. no one knows me and prollu never will because its hard for me to let anyone in now. yes i can name about 4 people thats going to read this and the only reason theyll read its cause there like my family. i wake up in the morning and i lay there wondering if things will start to look up. every one says its always darkest before the dawn well i have been in darkness for the last fucking 7 years when will things get better for me where is this fucking light at. over the last year i have goten some new friends that are becoming really close to me and meaning alot to me. there this one girl who im totally in love with and it seems like everytime i talk to her my love for her grows.

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