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Merrick's Snide Summary Of The Us Constitution

  • Submitted by: MerrickDavidson
  • on November 11, 2010
  • Category: Miscellaneous
  • Length: 3,203 words

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Merrick's Snide Summary of the US Constitution
(Side effects may include loss of hearing, dizziness, and realising just how warped Merrick really is)

The Preamble of the Constitution quite clearly states that why a bunch of guys in powdered wigs decided to get together and write the aforementioned document. It also says the only nine words in the Constitution most Americans can quote: "We the People, of the United States of America..." It does not, however, tell us why they wore powdered wigs... nor why they named a political party after their handwear... it doesn’t even tell us why they bothered to spell the name of that party wrong. Anywhoo...

Article 1, Section 1 establishes the Legislative Branch. It establishes the name of the Legislature to be The Congress. Also, it tells us that Congress will be classified as a beetle, not an insect, as it will have a “two-part body”.

Section 2 defines the House of Representatives, known as the lower house of Congress. It establishes a few requirements, like a 25-year-old age minimum, and establishes that the people themselves will elect the members for two years each. The members of the House are divided among the states according to size, giving more populous states more representatives in the House. Oh, and the members of the House get to choose their Leader, the Speaker of the House. This is a very important person, since the only things limiting him/her are the President, the Vice-President (who can also be called the “President” for a reason we’ll get to later), the Senate, and, well, the other people in the House.

Section 3 defines the upper house of Congress, the Senate. Once again, it establishes some requirements, such as a 30-year-old minimum age.   These guys get to serve for six years each. Each state has two senators in the Senate. This Section introduces the Vice-President, who is the leader of the Senate (called the President of the Senate, since our Founding Fathers like confusing the...

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