Love Essay

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Let me return to the question I raised in chapter 9. "What if the love language of your spouse is something that doesn't come naturally for you?" I am often asked this question at seminars, and my answer is, "So?" He agreed without hesitation, and now he sat in my office. His outward appearance was in stark contrast to Becky's. She had been weeping uncontrollably, but he was stoic. I had the impression, however, that his weeping had taken place weeks or perhaps months ago and that it had been an inward weeping. The story Brent told confirmed my hunch. When she regained her composure she said, "We have both worked so hard the last two or three years. I knew that we were not spending as much time together as we used to, but I thought we were working for a common goal. I cannot believe what he is saying. He has always been such a kind and caring person. He is such a good father to our children. " She continued, "How could he do this to us?" I sympathized with Brent, for I have been there. Thousands of husbands and wives have been there-emotionally empty, wanting to do the right thing, not wanting to hurt anyone, but being pushed by their emotional needs to seek love outside the marriage. Fortunately, I had discovered in the earlier years of my own marriage the difference between the "in love experience" and the "emotional need" to feel loved. Most in our society have not yet learned that difference. The movies, the "soaps," and the romantic magazines have intertwined these two loves, thus adding to our confusion. But they are, in fact, quite distinct. In time, however, we come down from that natural high back to the real world. If our spouse has learned to speak our primary love language, our need for love will continue to be satisfied. If, on the other hand, he or she does not speak our love language, our tank will slowly drain, and we will no longer feel

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