Life Needed Essay

10414 WordsOct 21, 201442 Pages
LIFE AFTER ANDY I have called this ‘Life after Andy’ however it still feels like ‘Existing after Andy’. I still eat, drink, sleep, breathe, talk and still love my family just as before. But something died in me when Andy died. He was my world, my strength and the love of my life always and still is. I miss him every day. Every night I sit in my bedroom and tell him of my day, of my fears, successes and failures. I even ask him for help. Andy always said that although I was the emotional on I was also the strong one. What he never realised was my strength came from him. From his love and support, from the reassuring smile, the hug and the ‘It will be alright Con you can do it. We’ll be ok’ I think I must have reached what they call the angry phase of grief. I am angry at everything and everyone including myself. Why did he have to die? Although I try to rationalise this because at least he was spared the painful end he would have had eventually with cancer. For this I thank God but I am alone, lost and hopeless. I feel rob, deserted and unloved. Half of me have gone and I don’t know how to deal with this feeling. I am angry at Andy because he had promised after the Emma/Ricky affair he would never leave me again but he has. Angry because he told me the day he was diagnosed with cancer that I had to be the strong woman he loved and married because we now knew he would died sooner rather than later and he did not want me to cry but to carry on living life to the full. How can it be full without you Andy? Angry at couples my age when I see them walking, talking, laughing and enjoying each other. Why them and not us. Angry at God because Andy never deliberately hurt a soul or did a bad deed yet he died and murders, paedophiles and worse go on living. Why did you take him? Rob me of my soul mate, condemn me to loneliness Angry at myself for being

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