How To Cut Grass Like a Man Essay

438 Words2 Pages
Spencer Lewis Doug Evans 2:10 class 14 November 2011 How to Cut Grass Like a Man I like my yards like I like my women, well-shaven. Cutting grass is a task all men should know how to do, just like watching football and beating your wife. So I won’t waste time going into specifics. The first step in kicking your yard’s ass is to ready your weapon. This guide will explore the push weapon as oppose to the riding weapon. Your weapon will require two types of fluids: fuel and oil. The fuel powers the motor, and the oil keeps your weapon lubricated. Whoa! That might sound like a lot of chemistry but it’s nothing a man can’t handle. Once you feed your weapon you must awaken it. This brings us to our second step, bringing your weapon to life. How do you awaken the sleeping demon? Good question. You just have to push its buttons….literally. Push the primer three times. Then yank its rip cord as hard as you can. This will really piss the demon off. It lets off a loud roar as it awakens. Now your weapon is ready to kick some grass…Oblige it. The third step is actually cut the grass. Scientists have used science to scientifically prove that the science of cutting grass is actually quite simple. You just push your weapon over what you want to cut. Really, it’s that simple. Most manly men start cutting the grass along the edge of the yard to make sure they cut it straight and don’t skip any grass. When you get to a bed in the middle of your yard it’s usually best to cut along it the bed in a circular shape. The fourth step of your crusade is to keep checking your grass bag. Don’t wait for it to get full before you change the bag. This could cause chunks of cut grass to fall out, back into your newly sexy yard and ruin all your work. So keep that bag in check and you should have smooth sailing. The fifth step is to step back and admire the view. This is probably

More about How To Cut Grass Like a Man Essay

Open Document