I have dealt with grief many times in my life. I lost my grandmother to cancer when I was 10 years old and I can still remember my father getting the call that she had passed away and how he cried out in pain.
During my first year in college my grandfather passed away and I couldn’t even get out of bed. I just slept all day, that’s all my body could handle. These deaths I knew were coming, they had been fighting cancer for a while and I felt prepared for them.
The hardest death I have experienced was the death of my Nana. It came unexpected; it was two days after her 62nd birthday. I had talked to her on her birthday and two days later my boyfriend had to break the news to me. He told me and I started to laugh because I didn’t want to believe him, but I knew it was true in the back of my mind and my laugh turned to tears. My family and I went out to North Carolina for the funeral. We stayed at her house and everyday I was expecting to see her. Even after I saw her lying in the casket it didn’t feel real, it felt like a sick joke. There are days I have to remind myself that she isn’t here and in those moments it hits me all over again.
This sudden death may be easier for the person, there was no suffering, but for those left behind I think it’s the hardest to cope with. I had no warning, no time to say goodbye, and no time to tell her how much I loved her.