Geneology Essay

661 WordsMar 10, 20123 Pages
Creating this Genogram was a tough process for me, mostly because it brought up questions and feelings that I feel I never really came to terms with. I tried to reach out to family members for answers and felt I was getting nowhere. The fact that there are soo many secrets and lies in my family I found it hard to face the fact I may be amongst those secrets and that is why no one was giving me answers. As a child I always wondered about the dynamics of my family and felt that it would have been nicer if we were close or could depend on each other, but unfortunately it never happened. At times I think much like Erikson’s psychosocial 1st theory of trust vs mistrust I never formed that initial bond with my mother. Unlike my sister I was not breastfed, I was raised by another family till I was 4 years old and never really formed the bond necessary to trust my parents, family or others easily. Growing up I always felt like an outsider looking in and wondered why I could never be good enough, or pretty enough or just enough to make my parents treat me and love me as they do my sister…as an adult I try on some levels to accept that things are as they are and the truth may or may not come out some day. The feelings of abandonment rushed back as I remember my early years, memories I had long ago repressed seemed to come rushing back and somehow I felt I was able to look at it and accept it for what it is. In my family I learned that we are all very distant and every direction I turned there were secrets. I was privy to some new secrets of who’s the real father of one of my cousins or that my uncle had an affair with my other aunt, all the secrets reiterated that there must be secrets about me that everyone else knows but are not telling me. The reality of this saddened me, and made me want to get more answers. I do hope in the future to get to the truth, but it will not be
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