Comedy Stand Up Essay

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Let me tell you a bit about myself, I am a very generous person, well usually…… just yesterday I got a call from a charity asking me to donate some clothes for the starving kids in Africa. I thought about it for a minute and then I told them to fuck right off, anybody who fits into my clothes isn’t fucking starving. That got me thinking, why are there starving kids in the world anyway and I came to the conclusion that it was due to the overpopulation of the planet. I have come up with a fail safe way to fix this problem. Ban all Viagra, Nasal spray technology, IVF and anything else like this that scientists around the world are working and instead use all that money to come up with a way to make seamen taste like chocolate. Remember a couple of months ago when Smiths had a competition to come up with new flavours for their chips. I put in an entry. It was for seamen flavoured chips. I told them that they could market them as diet chips because 90% of women wouldn’t swallow them. Relationships are hard, you really have to work on them. It’s like a full time job. Actually I think that we should be treating them like a full time job. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you then they should have to give you 2 weeks notice, or give you severance pay and before they leave they should have to arrange a temp for you. I went to my friends house the other day and he has a deer head on his wall. When I asked him why he has a deer head on his wall he told me because it was a beautiful creature and he loved it. I then realised where I went wrong with my ex-wife. I only kept photo’s of her around the house. When my ex-wife was pregnant all of her friends would rub her tummy and say congratulations. I got a bit upset with that because none of them rubbed my cock and said congratulations. After my ex-wife gave birth she asked me to help her have a shower

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