Why Couples Have Communication Problems

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WHY COUPLES HAVE COMMUNICATION PROBLEMS "The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place." - George Bernard Shaw Amara and Udo have known each other for over twenty years and had been married for more than fifteen. When they were courting Udo exhibited traits that she concluded was his quiet nature. For instance she noticed that he was very secretive and single-minded. On the other hand she was open hearted and liked to share all her feelings, her joys and sorrows. She continued in the relationship thinking that Udo was just preoccupied with making money and settling down and that he would change. How wrong she was. Things continued the way they were even after they got married and it grew worse. They never really discussed these issues deeply. They talked about other people, his work and other general matters, but nothing serious about themselves. This was the pattern for a very long time. Any attempt to bring up issues affecting their lives always ended in quarrels or fights. She became too afraid to bring up a subject for fear that he would over react and upset the “peaceful” atmosphere in their home. When she had some useful information that she wanted to share, it was difficult because Udo would either fault her choice of language or say something that would make her feel she was senseless. If she had a burden that she wanted to discuss she would wait until she felt the time was right but there was never a right time for Udo. If she tried to talk before they go to bed, he was too tired, in the morning, it was too early. This became the pattern and so over the years she learnt to bottle her thoughts and found other ways of reaching her husband. Udo was not a monster she would quickly correct. He was kind and good. He provided for her need, but they had serious communication problems. The first time Amara
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