A Journey from Modern Combat to Spiritual Warfare
In 2003, I was diagnosed with PTSD by a civilian psychologist who I turned to in order to deal with anger issues. My son was born premature in a very complicated pregnancy, which almost cost the lives of both my wife, and my son. This event triggered a lot of emotions I felt unable to process or understand. As was the normal for me, whenever I felt pain, confusion, guilt, or any other emotion I didn’t know how to express, I expressed them through anger.
I became difficult to deal with in my work environment, setting such a high standard it was impossible for my associates to meet. Failure to meet my standards was dealt with in what I perceived as mentoring, but in actuality was much harsher. I built anger and animosity within my coworkers, and dissatisfaction within myself. Finally, I left my place of employment, seeking a company I thought would meet my standards, never realizing I was searching for peace and forgiveness within myself. It was always someone else causing the problem and if they would just come up to my level, or would just see my perspective, then I would have no reason to be angry.
On the home front, I was just as angry. I worked excessively to meet my own standards, and brought all my frustrations home. Instead of being there for my family emotionally, or even socially, I would just want to be left alone to “distress”, and if anyone interrupted my “quiet time”, I would unload all of my anger in one brief and powerful blast of fury. This is also when I began to drink more, both in quantity and in consistency. When I felt the conflict at home becoming untenable, then I would simply take my drinking to a bar, and not return home until after my family was asleep. Somehow, I felt this was a practical solution; not only could I get my decompression time, but I also avoided further conflict at home. I was unable to see that this was only increasing my isolationism, and aggravating the...