English Is a Crazy Language!

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English is a crazy language! Let's face it!! English is a crazy language! There is neither egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger, neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England nor French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't ting, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham ? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?' One goose, two geese. So one moose, two meese? One index, two indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb through annals of history but not a single annal. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do we call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter perhaps you bote your tongue? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship! Park on driveway and drive on parkways! How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another? Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when we are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gnuntled, ruly or peccable?
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