Five Love Languages Critique

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FROM THE EDITOR’S DESK Love Speaks Many Languages Fluently B Y D AV I D P O W L I S O N Recently a friend asked me a question that I think is of wider interest. He wrote, “I wonder what to make of the ideas presented in Gary Chapman’s book about ‘the five love languages.’1 Some of it seems to make sense. It accurately describes some of the differences between my wife and me. I’m an actions-speak-louder-thanwords person; she’s wired for honest sharing and quality time. Our conflicts frequently boil down to collisions between our very different expectations. And we’ve learned that part of loving each other is giving what actually blesses the other. But something about the book doesn’t sound right to me. It seems like a glorified form of ‘You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours.’” This man’s response to The Five Love _______________________________________________ 1Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate (Chicago: Northfield Publishing, 1992, 1995), 203 pages. Chapman and several coauthors have written follow-up books addressing children and teens more particularly. Other popular books in the same genre include Willard Harley’s His Needs, Her Needs (“Become aware of each other’s emotional needs, and learn to meet them….The ten emotional needs are admiration, affection, conversation, domestic support, family commitment, financial support, honesty and openness, physical attractiveness, recreational companionship, and sexual fulfillment”); and John Gray’s Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus (“Men and women give the kind of love they need and not what the opposite sex needs. Men primarily need a kind of love that is trusting, accepting, and appreciative. Women primarily need a kind of love that is caring, understanding, and respectful”). 2 Languages captures in a nutshell the helpful strengths and the
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