Overcoming Gender Differences With Couple's Commun

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OVERCOMING GENDER DIFFERENCES WITH COUPLE’S COMMUNICATION A Two Paper Alternative Department Thesis Presented to the Faculty Of California State University, East Bay By: Janelle S. Tamm June, 2005 INTRODUCTION Two are better than one; Because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow, But woe to him that is alone when he falls, for he has not another to help him up. And if two lie together then they have warmth, but how can one be warm alone? And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him. -from Ecclesiastes, 1:9:12 In our society, the fairytale fantasy of meeting the partner of your dreams, falling madly in love, and living happily ever after, is idealized. Unfortunately, fewer and fewer people are actually experiencing “happily ever after” relationships. Divorce rates in the United States are sky rocketing out of control and are higher than ever before. In the 1980’s divorce rates were at 50%, and now in the year 2005, those rates are still climbing (Mackey & O’Brien, 1998). Why is it that the Cinderella fairy tale rarely works out? Because in real life, men and women are different and those differences interfere with their ability to effectively understand one another. Individuals enter into relationships looking for a source of comfort, support and companionship. They want someone who will pick them up when they fall and encourage and inspire them when times are rough. In her book “You Just Don’t Understand”, Deborah Tannen writes “We look to our closest relationships as a source of confirmation and reassurance. When those closest to us respond to events differently than we do, the ground on which we stand seems to tremble and our footing is suddenly unsure.”(1991, p. 73) When partners respond to events differently than expected, it creates unstable ground to
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