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“7 Habits of Highly Effective People”
10/29/07

I choose to write about a relationship that I want to develop a “win/win” agreement with. That relationship would be the one I have with my daughter. I will explain just a little history behind our current “I win, she loses” relationship. Life for my daughter isn’t always happy with me as a mother. I am a recovering addict, and when she was one and a half years old, I lost her to the state because of my addiction. There were a lot of trust issues between my daughter and I in the beginning, a lot of defiance from her. Since I have gotten her back I felt I have had to make it known to her that I am the mother she is the child, what I say goes. I haven’t given argue, but I also haven’t given her a chance to talk and be heard by me in those situations.

When I look at it from her perspective, I get sad. I can see how she would feel like I don’t listen to her. Nor does it seem like I really want to or care to hear her. I know that by making my parenting so black and white that I am not letting her grow. I am not giving her a chance to make mistakes and learn from them. I am not letting her figure out for herself what things make her feel happy, or what things make her sad. Because my parenting is so cut and dry with her, she will grow older without the knowledge of cause and effect, or of right and wrong. I can see all of this because that was how I was raised growing up. I know how she generally feels, and that makes me sad for her because when I finally left my house, I was lost. By parenting her like I was parented, she looses a lot.

I want to strive to have the ideal “win/win” relationship with my daughter. I would let go of my thinking that being a good parent is making sure that my child always has to make the right decision. I will allow her to make her own choices, as long as they are safe. I would want to allow her to learn about how she...