It was very obvious that Holden was feeling lonely throughout the book and even with all the people around him, he just felt like nothing was worth living because the one thing he loved was gone. It hurt so badly that Holden considered the possibility of suicide, but even that made him even more depressed. As stated in the book “What I really felt like, though, was committing suicide. I felt like jumping out the window. I probably would’ve done it, too, if I’d been sure somebody’d cover me up as soon as I landed” (Salinger 104).
What a son of a b****,” I said under my breath, “to bring them to this.” Tears streamed from my selfish eyes over my selfish face. I sobbed, my fists clenched in shame. I wept for the guilt I had caused them to feel.” [Bell 158]. Crabbe is misled by his own pride thinking his parents will not care if he runs away but clearly they cared a lot leaving Crabbe in a pile of guilt. The teachers that have Crabbe in their class rooms are tough on him because they are preparing him for his adult life which is much different than his adolescent life.
Instead of repenting for his sins he escapes them. Plus he is worried about his daughter because he believes that they will have a horrible future because of him. (LINES 1318-1923) Also by acting in his weak behavior he is trying to avoid his fate again. He does this physically. Because he was blind to the prophecy, he blinds himself to remember everything he had done.
At one point, when Chlomo was being beaten by Idek, he was ashamed of his father and he didn’t feel any grief for him. When Rabbi Eliahou’s son abondons him, Elie prays to God to never let him abandon his own father like that. Elie says “Rabbi Eliahou’s son had felt that his father was growing weak, he had believed that the end was near and had sought this separation in order to get rid of the burden, to free himself from an encumbrance which could lessen his own chances of survival. I had done well to forget that. And I was glad that Rabbi Eliahou should continue to look for his beloved son.
I didn't want a bunch of stupid rubbernecks looking at me when I was all gory." (p.104) Holden wants to die because everyone is a phony but he wants to live because the phonies would judge him if he jumped. During the same part of the book, Holden talks about how he was trying to find some kind of “good-by” to Pencey, he says “What I was really hanging around for, I was trying to feel some kind of good-by. I mean I’ve left schools and places I didn’t even know I was leaving them. I hate that.
He wasn’t going to stop for a long while but luckily, Pheobe cried enough that he finally stopped. After he was done with me, I had to calm Pheobe down because she was still crying. She really was. Then what was even worse, he already knew I was kicked out of Pencey so I couldn’t even try to lie. So the bastard enrolled me into another school, but that didn’t go all well either and I ended up running away.
I went to play with my friends, but they were mean to me. I walked into the coat room and hid behind a big puffy coat until I heard my teacher yell that recess was over. When I got home I went straight to my room and began to cry. I didn’t want to tell my parents I was retarded. I didn’t want them to know.
My old counselor and I are very good friends now. We started becoming friends while I was in counseling after I had told him that I wasn’t worthy enough to have friends. When I left counseling, he suggested that I not call him for a while, so I could continue to grow. He explained the code of ethics and said he wouldn’t be a good friend if he broke them. I will say in one way it hurt, but I also understood.
Not functioning properly can also cause flaws in your character and allow you to put on a show instead of sharing what you are feeling. You will always feel as if you are losing the race and never leading, never in control. Lastly, running can result in bad or non-established relationships. I have had so many non- meaningful relationships that I am about to write a book on how to stay away from relationships. One time I met someone and I knew she was supposed to be my best friend and I did everything in my power to run away from the embracement and welcoming and more importantly, the
When I crimpled to the ground and some of my friends came and said, “Hey look JR’s fat butt is on the ground and is crying what a fagot,” but no one knew that I broke my foot. Although I was in pain, I laugh with them because I wanted to fit in but it was never like that. In the time that everything happened, I was really never had a time to laugh at myself due to all the pain of being made fun of. Now I as I look back at it now, I laugh at it. I now know that if I had not been laughed at an early age, I would not be able to look back and laugh at it all today.