LETTER OF RESPONSE
September 16, 2011
Dear Hussain Alsatarwah,
I would like to give you some information concerning your Literacy narrative
“succeeding in life”. The theme you chose for your literacy is very appropriate .
The way you introduced your literacy in the first paragraph by mentioning that
“everyone has a goal and a field of interest in which if they work hard they
succeed” was nice . But there can be some repair work done.
You should concentrate a lot on grammatical errors as there are
a lot in the first paragraph itself. Etcetra should be ETC, and the starting line
“everyone has aim in his or her own life to become succeed “ you should write it as
“everyone has a aim in his or her own life to succeed”. There are more mistakes
about which I will tell you further in this letter. You stated a thesis in your sixth
paragraph that because of your desire in electronics ,electrical engineering was your
first choice as a major. Then in the the forth paragraph you stated that your
interest in electronics blossomed during the high school years. The thing
missing is that you should actually write what attracted you towards electrical
engineering, Was it some sort of incident which happened with the technology you
were using? or was it by seeing advancement of technology around you which
baffled you with its awesomeness? You should explain this in a more appropriate
way so that you convey the real idea of your literacy. You mentioned about your
childhood, how you went to an elementary school immediately after
homeschooling. Having no experience at all. yes that’s tough.
You wrote that your elementary school years were full of frustration but when you
went to high school you loved it. You stated that for some personal
problem you started liking high school. the literacy narrative would become more
interesting to read...