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Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm the Galaxy lies a small, almost unnoticed star called The Sun (again, this is because Sun is a registered trademark)


Earth, also known as The Earth (since Earth is a registered trademark of the united states) is a very dangerous place (although it is also said to be "mostly harmless"), as every living thing on the planet eventually dies alone. (Well, at least there are living things on said planet. Supposedly.)

Some people think that the earth is only 6,000 years old. This is not true. The earth is only fifty years old. It only appears older to test our faith. Secondly, the earth was created on a Tuesday morning at precisely 10 am because God likes to finish early so he can take the rest of the day off and go golfing. Finally, the Earth is a Sagittarius. Its horoscope for the day it was created said that it would meet many new interesting people. Needless to say this one prediction has proven false the whole system of astrology because we are all of course completely boring.

Earth is located directly below you, unless you are standing on some other Planet/Moon/Asteroid/Spacecraft/Lemon or are in some non-orientable environment where the concept of down does not exist (e.g. deep space, the South Pole, or Basingstoke). Earth has a perfect climate for the growing and harvesting of Marijuana. School teachers will try to explain to you that Marijuana is bad and the earth is really round. This information is false and has been proven wrong in the Chronicals of Life.

The Earth is a flat, pie-shaped object made primarily of a hydrogen filling, with the outer layers of the crust being lighter elements, the most predominant being piss and smegma. Inside the hydrogen filling lies the little known layer of cream filling. The planet shows no trace whatsoever of the elements carbon, oxygen, hydrogen or nitrogen, these...